I Am, Everything You've Ever Lost
by Lady Theadora
Summary: Abby's having a bad day. Carter can't forget Abby. Can togther they work it out? Chapter 3 up! More later!rnForgive me it's late and I suck at summaries right now
1. Vile Alarm Clocks

John Carter walked the halls of County General hospital with an air of farmiliarty. This place was practically his home afterall. It was a funny thought that most of the major events of his recent past occured in this very hospital. He met her here. He said goodbye to her here. His son was born and died here. He came here to hide when no place else felt right. It was probably the only thing that remained the same in his life, well that and her.

Her, Abigail Lockhart- Abby to most. Great nurse, even better doctor. Kind, sweet, gentle and damn stubborn. She just wouldn't give up anything. Even when they wern't togther she was always there, steadfast by his side. Never flinching at the chaos of their relationship. Sometimes it made him wonder, what did he ever do to deserve her? Deserve her friendship, her kindness, her companionship... her love. She loved him, or at least had. Until he went and blew any chance he had at a future with her.

He gave it all up. Stole away from Chicago and the life he knew to Africa where he spent god-knows how long working back-breaking shifts trying to forget her. And do you want to know why? Because he thought he didn't deserve her. She was too good. An angel. The closest thing he'd ever seen to perfection. And he'd had her, but he let her slip away...

(-----)

The alarm clock blared at a bizar hour that night. Screaming some country-western station that always made her get up in time for her shift. But tonight for some reason the damn clock was sending up a fuss for no appearent reason. She could have hurt someone but instead she hit the alarm clock with a well-aimed blow, sending the defence-less object on a disastrous trip into the floor. Upon making impact the clock shattered into about 62 pieces. And it being 1:34am Abby had no incentive to get up and restore order to the room. Instead she rolled over, pulling the covers over her head, and went back to sleep with one person on her mind- him.

"Lockhart, your late!"

What a f fantastic day already! She had woken up late thanks to her late night encounter with her alarm clock. To add to that her coffe maker was dying a very slow, very painful death. Leaving her with some indescernable brown-ish sludge instead of her coffee. So now- without coffee, a proper breakfast, enough sleep or a very good mood- Abigail Lockhart flew into the ER with about as much forgivness as an errant missile.  
"Morning Abby!" Well wasn't he cheerful this morning? But Abby had no time to contemplate this, she was a woman on a mission.

"Good f morning, Carter!" she said as flew past him. Sailing into the doctor's lounge she converged on the coffee maker like a starved buzzard, she finaly emited a contented sigh.


	2. You

Abby slamed her locker shut with a sigh. Today had been one of the longest days in quite a while. Multiple MVAs, a hand full of GSWs and an abuse case that Abby made a note of steering clear of. She just didn't feel like dealing with it right now.

But even if she had a very long day, she was reluctant to go home. Home to her empty apartment, with no food and absolutely no sense of warmth to it. She sighed, turing around she ran smack into Carter. Nearly toppling to the floor, he reached out a steadying arm and caught her.

"Gotcha..."

Abby found herself staring into the eyes that haunted her into her sleep.

"Carter..." she breathed.

She felt like the wind had been knocked out of her, which apon later reflection actualy may have been the case. There was something undeniable about him, something that sparked a feeling deep down making her shiver slightly from head to toe. "You okay?" He seemed to regain his composure first, immediatly worried about her. It was infuriating how he always had to make sure she was okay. It was like he didn't trust her to take care of herself.

"Abbs, you alright?" His tone was concerned.

"Yeah, I'm fine its just a... long day"

"Have you eaten since the cup of coffee I saw you down this morning?"

She glanced down sheapishly, she really hadn't eaten much today and to tell the truth she was really hungry.

"Sorta... well no not really. Sam gave me a bit of he muffin earlier though" She added as if that fact would make all the difference.

"Well then that settles it, doesn't it? We're just going to have to go and get you some food" He gave her a smile, herding her in the direction of the door.

"I'm fine Carter, really. I don't feel like going out anyway" She didn't add that she didn't have much in the way of food at her apartment.

"Well since you haven't eaten properly all day, you don't feel like going out and knowing you there will be very little in the way of food at your house"

"I have food.." She protested weakly, she didn't want him to think she couldn't take care of herself.

"But is it edable is the real question"

"Well no, but..."

"No buts, we're going to go and get you food and then we're going to go to your house and I'll cook you dinner. Pasta even, I know its your favourite"

She could have protested, yelled at him for babying her. But the truth was she was thankful for him doing this for her. She probably would have eaten a meal of crackers and nuts and gone to bed. This way she would at least get a proper meal.

Plus him cooking her dinner would be a chance for her to talk to him, something they'd done precious little of recently.

She gave him her patented, just for carter grin. Walking past him and out into the hospital corridor. Carter quickly followed her out and togther they walked out of the hospital into the cool night air.

(-------)

_Later in the super market_

"Carter" Abby whined "I won't eat all this food in a month, let alone a week"

"Oh sure you will, its amazing what having a fully stocked pantry will do for you apitite!"

Abby just sighed, there was no sense arguing with him. She just followed him obediently through the super market picking up a tomato here and a loaf of bread there.

"Now, for dinner I'm making pasta. But what would you like to eat for dessert?" He quirked an eyebrow at her and without thinking she awnsered

"You"

As soon as the word was out of her mouth she blushed a deep crimson, she haddn't meant to say that out loud.But Carter never missing a beat answered

"Well, that might just be arranged" He gave her a little half smile. Leaning into her he made her heart race. Abby stood rooted to the spot as Carter leanded towards her. It looked to all the world like he was going to kiss

her but a split second before their lips touched he snached a container of cherries from the display behind her. "There, I think thats it! Lets go home"

Too much had just happened in the last second and a half. Had she really said that? Did he really say that? Her head was spinning as she followed him numbly through the checkout and to his car.


	3. Dinner

A/N: I'm refusing to acknowledge Carter's absence and will continue with this fic! Also please ignor the bad spelling and the run on sentences. This hasn't been read-over at all!

Disclaimer: I don't own 'em! I just enjoy taking them out to play, I promise to put them back when I'm done and have them home in time for dinner! ;)

Abby leant against the counter in her kitchen, content to watch Carter stirring the pot of pasta on the stove while making idle chit-chat.

"How's work been?" He asked, looking up from the pot of boiling water

"Oh you know the same, more tramas and pain than one person should see in a day but what can you do?"

"What can you do?"

She grinned at him "I asked you first"

(--------)

"God, John, this pasta is GOOD!"

He laughed at the sight of Abby eating as much pasta as she could politely eat in one bit."I think the fact you haven't eaten all day may help make anything taste good"

She paused, her fork resting in her plate. Considering for a brief moment she looked at him, "You know your right, an old rubber boot would taste pretty darn good right about now. But honestly, this pasta is really good!"

"I know how to please you"

"You always have"

(--------)

Clearing the plates from their meal, Carter and Abby found themselves falling into a comfortable pattern. Carter insisted in helping do the dishes, so as she washed he dried. It was funny how he know where everything went. He padded around the kitchen in a comforting pattern. Abby let a small sigh escape her lips.  
"You alright" He was instantly there- standing behind her, arms braced on either side of her on the counter. She could feel his breath tickle the hair at the nape of her neck.

She closed her eyes, relishing the feeling of how close he was. His heat seeped through her shirt, warming her to the core. This was the first time her apartment had felt like home to her in a very long time. She was well fed, tired from a hard days work and she had the the one person who truly took her breath away staning a hair's bredth away from her. Yes, she was alright- definitely alright.

"Yeah" She breathed

(--------)

After dinner Abby and Carter sat togther on the sofa, sipping coffee.

"How's Kem?"

"Umm, good the last time I talked to her..." He left that one trailing, not sure exactly what to say.

Abby mentaly kicked herself for her stupidity. Why was she asking him about his ex-girlfriend who has been so cold to him? "Umm, yeah. Sorry Carter. I didn't mean to put salt in your wounds"

He turned to her with that honest expression on his face "Honestly, Abby? I think I've moved on. I mean Joshua will always be something we share but that doesn't mean we have to be teathered to eachother by the past. We've changed too much. Besides, I was only with her to forget how much I love someone..."

Abby was afraid to ask. Afraid to ask if that someone was her, if he loves her. She had noticed his use of the present tense. Who would it be? Wendal? No, she came after too.

"Who..." she croaked

He took a step towards her, closing the distance between them. Lowering his head, he wispered in her ear. "You Abby... I was trying to forget you"

Cautiously, ever so carefuly Abby looked up in time to see a series of emotions cross his face. Love, fear, anxiety, hopefullness, relief and more love.

Their noses almost touching, Abby spoke carefuly. Hesitantly she started, looking up into his eyes she was suddenly sure of herself.

"I never forgot you Carter"


	4. SleepyHead

A/N: Sorry it has taken me so long to update! I haven't forgotten about you guys, really! Life has been crazy for me and with exams, work, small social crisis, and the equestrian show season I'm swamped! I am posting the two final chapters today so that you guys don't have to wait anymore! And sorry this chapter's short. I just needed to get something done in thease last two chapters. Theoretically, they could/should be one chapter but I made them two shorter ones. I love you all! Thanks for the reviews! )

**Chapter 4**

The first thing Abby became aware of when she woke up was that she wasn't in her bed, but on her couch. The second thing startled her- she wasn't alone.

Any panic that she had felt was swept away as the farmiliar scent of Carter's aftershave washed over her. She sighed contentedly. His arm was draped protectively around her waist with nose burried in the crook of her neck. He tickeled her stomach softly.

"Morning, beautiful" he murmered sleapily in her ear.

Carter was struck then by how perfect she was. Despite the past they shared their future was bright, with the warm morning sun streaming through the window. She was so tiny, so petite- like a dancer. He small form fitting perfectly in his arms.

Abby let out a contented sigh. She was happy. Happies than she had been in a very long time. She felt so comfortable. He was holding her close, willing to protect her from the demons that tormented her in her sleep. She was suprised to realise that she haddn't had a nightmare last night. It was the first night in a long time where she slept soundly. She grinned.

"Sleepy-head enjoy his rest?" She rolled over to face him, still wrapped protectivly in his arms.

"Best sleep I've had in..." He pondered momentairly before smiling "...ever. I can't remeber ever having slept that well"

Stretching languidly, Abby leant over and kissed him gently. His arms tightened around her waist, pulling her closer and deepening the kiss.

Pulling away momentairly, Abby searched Carter's face. His eyes expressed concern, worry, hope, lust and the one thing she was searching for...

Her face broke into a grin.

"I love you, Car"

"I love you too, Abbs" he murmured before ducking in for another kiss.

Continue on to chapter 5! )


	5. Late

Chapter 5

"Car, get up" Abby gently shook Carter's shoulder "Honey, get up"

"5 mor minutes, mom" Carter was grinning sleepily at her

"Har har, you big baby" Abby grinned ruefuly at him "Now up! We both have to be at work in an hour and a half. And I don't know about you but I want breakfast"

Carter looked mildly suprised at the idea of having to actually get up, let alone go to work. He groaned softly.

"I'm guessing you're going to want the shower?"

"Only if you come with me"

Abby's only response was to whack Carter upside the head.

"You're a real funny guy in the mornings, you know that?"

"So they say.." was Carter's smug reply, earinin him another dirty look from Abby

"Just shut up and get up, okay?"

"Make me" he grabbed her wrist, pulling her back down onto the couch and kissing her sense-less.

"Oh fuck!"

Abby stared disbelievingly at the clock on top of her TV. It quite clearly read 7:30, half an hour until their shift at the hospital that was 15 minutes away.

"Damn it! Car, honey, get up we're late- really late!"

And so it was that Carter and Abby found themselves dressed, without the luxury of showers, running through the kitchen, giving up entirely on the idea of breakfast or even coffee. But despite not having eaten, showered or had her coffee, Abby still felt happy. As she and Carter left her apartment and walked to the El, he leaned over kissing her gently and taking her hand.

'Maybe, just mabe' she thought 'things are going to be okay from now on'


End file.
